if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
