It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
