Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
