Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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