i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize