He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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