i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
