Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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