Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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