Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
