oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
