we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
