Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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