Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
