fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
