someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
