Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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