apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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