You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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