Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
