It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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