The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
