Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
