I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
