I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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