we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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