Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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