i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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