seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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