Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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