BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
