They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
