Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
