don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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