hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
