cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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