Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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