So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
