I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
