When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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