i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
