Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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