Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
