I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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