She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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