My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Panties = found
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
