She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
