Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
