You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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