I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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