i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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