Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
