The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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