he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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