what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
