Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
