I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
