I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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