i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize