Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do vagina's smell?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
