So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
