Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize