A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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