I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
