I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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