My nipple is on Facebook.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
