I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize